literature

Never Shed A Tear

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wizillusions's avatar
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Literature Text

Never shed a tear for me
Just remember the happy times
When everything was so simple
And the sun shone so brightly

Just remember the happy times
Running barefoot through the fields
And the sun shone so brightly
In our land of love

Running barefoot through the fields
Acting as only children can
In our land of love
Where our memories never fail us

Acting as only children can
When everything was so simple
Where our memories never fail us
Never shed a tear for me

5/18/10
Another pantoum poem. This one seems to have worked better at least it felt as though it went better as I was writing. I guess you the reader will be the real judge of how it really came out.

The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.
© 2010 - 2024 wizillusions
Comments18
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meljoy68's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

This was a good read. I love that you challenged yourself with a pantoum! The structure is very well done. It is not easy to repeat the lines in such a strict way but you did a wonderful job. I love the theme. The story is well thought out, reminding the reader to remember the happier times. Personally I am partial to rhymes but this free verse worked for me.

The only critique I have is the lack of punctuation. I would have liked to have seen the lines broken up with commas and periods, some enjambment. But, over all I think you did a great job.